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January 12, 2009

WELCOME TO THE FART BARN - $4 ENTRANCE FEE - WHY'D YOU COME?

Welcome to Monday, the day most people hate most. But what is a "day"? Time doesn't recycle itself. Days are just a label man. Spooky isn't it? I think I once mentioned how I wished I was one of those new age guys who could look at the world in a different way. That way I wouldn't care if it were Monday or Friday or solstice eve or harvest moon or whatever. Livin' free brother.

Speaking of "brother", a thing that wrestlers always say, I saw "The Wrestler" last night and like most liberally minded twenty-somethings, I enjoyed it thoroughly. But if cash is tight and you hate the smell of popcorn, but you still want to see a heartfelt tale about professional wrestling I implore you to check out "Beyond The Mat" which is a great documentary about the same sort of stuff but way more depressing because it's real guys and not melty face Mickey. But there's no tits in it, unlike the Wrestler. I guess if cash is tight and you hate the smell of popcorn you could just wait for the DVD or download it, but you don't have time for that! You're busy! Gotta put in your hours man! Spend that dough on oranges and supplements! Live free, live vibrant, LIVE ALIVE. Hahahaha that would be a funny name for a really dumb Coldplay or U2 live album or something like that and interviewers would be like "Is it LIVE alive or LIVE alive" and then Chris Martin would go "Well we recorded it LIVE but it's got two meanings because our mantra is to LIVE alive. Do you have any rare teas?"

Get it? That's a tough read because you can't really tell the difference between LIVE and LIVE. SHORTCOMINGS OF THE INTERNET.

This weekend I tried to incorporate my resolution of "getting things done" into the old schedule and it worked out! Here's what I got done:

- Ripped several CD's
- bought a stereo receiver
- found power cord to my external hard drive
- tried out new skates
- called landlord regarding broken oven
- watched the Wrestler
- played floor hockey
- used Chapters gift card
- bought pepto bismol
- cut my hair

These may seem inane to the untrained eye, but they are tasks I've been putting off for awhile now believe you me you toad. I added a few tasks that I sort of had to do just to make the list look longer, and if you have a problem with this, contact the site's administrator. HAHAHAHA good luck! Blogger is a big company! It'll take forever to even talk to a human probably.

I'd like to cap off today's scripture with an ice cold cream soda.

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd to fight those winter blues, I'd like to recommend 3 movies from my favourite genre: "80's summertime movies"

"SUMMER RENTAL" starring John Candy

A fat guy takes his family to the beach. They all hate it but then they enter a boat race and come together. So sick.

"ONE CRAZY SUMMER" starring John Cusack

A dweeb can't get no respect so he enters a boat race with his friends and he gets respect.

"SUMMER SCHOOL" starring Mark Harmon

A cool dude teacher gets stuck teaching a class of misfits during the summertime. No boat race. Actually, no boats at all.

I was going to recommend "MEATBALLS" as well, but it doesn't have "summer" in its title and there's no boat race. Although there is a foot race at the end. Not bad.

See you Tuesday, or if days didn't exist which is what I'd prefer, "in a bit".

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